Triggers & Teshuva
If you want to do teshuva, trying hard is not enough. Knowledge and skill are crucial. And it is our triggers that teach us what we need to know and what skills we need to acquire.
A thought on how to do teshuva this Yom Kippur.
Take a moment and note your biggest trigger in life. It can be an “active” trigger which animates you in negative ways (e.g., anger, frustration, etc) or a “passive” trigger which leads you to retreat and shut down (e.g., becoming depressed, overly reserved, etc).
Then commit yourself - on Yom Kippur, before G-d Himself - to work on that particular trigger.
To stay calm and collected rather than angry and frustrated.
To be happy and proactive rather than depressed and unduly reserved.
And if you are not aware of what your triggers are, then commit yourself - on Yom Kippur, before G-d Himself - to discover (and then work on) your biggest trigger.
And then, after Yom Kippur, make this trigger your project. Read about it, talk about it, ask about it, get help and assistance with it.
For more often than not, hidden behind our triggers is a world of pain, fear and other issues that subconsciously wields a great deal of control over how we live and experience life. And, again more often than not, this subconscious world inhibits us from doing real teshuva.
It is hard to forgive someone when you are actively experiencing pain.
It is hard to stay calm when internally you are in fear.
And it’s hard to feel remorse for one’s actions and truly commit to change when we are motivated by subconscious “forces” that we are not even aware of - and are not motivated by our deeper, more substantive selves.
In this light, our triggers are like a signpost showing us which path we need to travel down. They scream out to us, there is an issue hidden inside here.
Seek it out.
Unpack it.
Understand it.
And then - learn how to transcend it.
Indeed, transcending one’s triggers is just a fancy way of saying teshuva. For our triggers take us away from our true, deeper selves. And teshuva is the art and science of coming back to our truer, deeper selves.
And so, tomorrow - when we all come face to face with the reality that we aren’t quite who we (or G-d) wants us to be, take a moment to make this Yom Kippur different. Don’t just note the same shortcomings that we note year after year and think that all that is required is greater resolve or greater will.
Transformation is not a game of overpowering, but a process of gaining knowledge and skills. The knowledge of our inner world in all of its facets and the skill to deal with that inner world.
And the doorway into this inner world — the starting point of real teshuva — is our personal triggers.